Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Feel the Funk??

It's been a while since I've posted, and I think it's because I've been in quite a funk lately.  Work has been getting to me, and with Thanksgiving looming and my house being turned upside down, I'm kind of in a weird state of mind.  I've started drafting several new posts in the past week, but have decided that they're all too mean spirited to publish because they're full of complaints about people I'm close to, and my goal for this blog is to never write something that personally attacks anyone I care about.  Of course, random people I come across in my day to day life, who I have no personal connection with, are completely fair game :)

So, I'll talk about my own craziness here.

Last night, I woke up in a panic.  It was almost 3:30AM (a full 3 hours before I typically wake up) and I could not stop my mind from thinking about all of the things that need to be done for Thanksgiving.  Specifically, I was worrying about having enough room in my refrigerator and about making a turkey that isn't dry.  I understand the turkey fear because nobody likes a dry turkey - and it's something I have direct control over.  However, I can't figure out why my brain wouldn't stop running loops around the contents of my fridge and how everything is going to fit.  I mean, there's not much room to spare in there right now - I went grocery shopping last night, and the whole thing is full of supplies I'm going to need to feed everyone over the next few days.  My family is helping me out with side dishes, so I'll need room for them to store casseroles, pies, veggies, etc. from when they arrive on Wednesday until dinner on Thursday.  I'm seriously not sure how everything is going to fit. 

So, in the wee hours of the morning, I literally started having a panic attack.  I got really hot and started sweating, I couldn't close my eyes, and my heart was beating faster than the speed of the road runner trying to get away from the coyote in those looney tunes cartoons.  It was bizzare.  I've never really had panic attacks before - I've been nervous and stressed - but never to this degree.

I contemplated getting out of bed and going to read in the other room, but decided I'd just end up staying awake until it was time to get ready for work, and that would make for a very lousy Tuesday.  I did get out of bed to empty my bladder and to cool down.  Before getting back into bed, I took lots of super deep breaths to still my insanely fast heartbeat, then got back into bed and tried counting sheep.  That's right - I said counting sheep.

I've never counted sheep before.  To me, counting sheep was the same as just counting.  So I started just counting, and before I got to #3, my brain had started up on the mental refrigerator scanning again.  With one deep breath, I decided to actually count sheep - picturing them jumping over a fence, one by one.  My brain did try distracting me by changing my visualization of sheep between real sheep and the animated, fluffy ones that look like the ones used in some toilet paper commercial (I can't remember the brand).  I had to fight to keep my brain focused on the animated sheep - they looked lighter to me and, in my mind, that made it easier for those ones to jump over the fence.  Once I got a constant stream of fluffy, white, animated sheep jumping over my imaginary wooden fence, it was only a matter of about 15 counts before I was able to sleep again.  The last number I remember counting was somewhere in the 30s.  And, before I knew it, my alarm clock went off and it was time to get up for work.

Only 2 more days until my first Thanksgiving is here and done.  I want to enjoy the holiday, and I hope that, with patience with myself and with the people who will be descending on my home starting today, I will be able to see just how lucky I am to have such a wonderful family, a home to call my own, and to celebrate a holiday without having to worry about how we'll cover the expense of all the necessities.  There are many people in the US and elsewhere who don't have any of these things, and I am going to put a lot of effort into focusing on what I have to be thankful for.

I hope each and every one of you have a very Happy Thanksgiving.  If I remember to take them, I'll post some pics of how my table, turkey, and other things turn out for the holiday.  If you're hosting your first holiday, like me, I wish you luck!  And, if there's not enough room in the fridge, store stuff in coolers on the porch.  'Nuff said.

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