Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Love Dare Hiatus

So I think Greg and I got to somewhere around Day 11 in The Love Dare, and we haven't really been interested in it since then.  I'm not sure what the problem is.  Part of me wonders if it's because we're both too lazy and/or apathetic to really try to make our marriage a more loving, kind, wholesome one ala June and Ward Cleaver...but another part of me wonders if it's just because there's simply too many references to God, the Bible, and Jesus, which kind of makes each of us feel just a little bit uncomfortable.

The thing about the book that bothers me the most is that it constantly refers to difficult times in your marriage - it often makes references about being mad at your partner, feeling unloved by your spouse, etc.  I don't know if it's because Greg and I have only been married for 4.5 years, if it's because we don't have children, or if it's because our relationship isn't what it should be - but this book makes me feel like we should be fighting more and using the book as a tool to make up for all the wrongs we've done to each other.  The thing is that we really honestly don't fight much.  I mean we bicker, and have disagreements - but recently they've been mostly about how we're constructing the porch - and our disagreements usually are a result of Greg wanting to do everything 100% accurately and correct and me having no patience to sit around waiting for him to make a decision.  Which probably is demeaning to him and isn't productive for me, but really, we usually are able to talk out our frustrations and move on.

I do not think our marriage is perfect.  And I think we could both work a little bit harder to make our relationship more special, more intimate, more loving.  But I'm not sure this book is really for us.  I feel like we're not really ready for all the religious aspects - and although lots of people would argue with me about the need to have God present in any relationship, I'm really the only one who actually believes in God, and Greg is still on the fence.  Maybe that's part of our problem.  But until we solve that one, I'm not sure how we'll get through the rest of this book.  It's not like the challenges are difficult - they're just not for us.

I think I've disappointed my mom by not following through with this.  She asks about it sometimes and I always feel guilty telling her that we're not really into it anymore.  I sneak-peaked through the remaining challenges we would have to take on to complete the 40 days, and, honestly, more than 50% of them have to do with praying for yourself, for your spouse, and for your marriage.  It's not like we couldn't do those things.  It's just that we don't really pray.  More likely than not, we'd both think the "challenges" are a bit hokey and we wouldn't do them anyway.

So, we'll see what happens with our marriage sans Love Dare for now.  Maybe we'll find some kind of non-religious marriage challenge book that will take on more of what we are struggling with on a daily basis - patience with each other, financial management, and simple intimacies like holding hands and hugging.  The way I see it, these are things we can work on that would really make a difference in our daily lives and in our relationship.  Heck, maybe we don't even need a book, just a swift kick in the pants to get these things moving on our own.

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